People come and go
   They pass by everyday
   Some stay a while,
   Some don't even try.
   Yet most make promises
   "I'm here for you"
   "Whenever you need me"
   "Yes we are friends"

I wonder if they know
   How hard it has become
   For me to trust again.

Words are easily uttered;
   They can be said,
   With nary a hesitation.
   They can be typed,
   With even less consideration.

And that's why
   Words, don't mean anything,
   Anymore, to me.
   Prove your conviction
   Through the actions you take.
  

"Will you love me forever?"
I asked, not quite sure why.
"Yes, I promise."
She replied, also unsure.
I wonder if you knew then
that promises were made to be broken
by people
who have no conviction to keep
the things that make them happy.

   The airport was abuzz with activity. Luggage piled around the counters, people stood around them, some loitering around, some on their smartphones, some just looking around. The fact that it was almost 3 in the morning made it even more incredible.

   We sat at a cafe, it too was packed with people.
   "Guess a letter." She pleaded. We were playing hangman.
   "i?" I asked.
   "Yeap, here... and here." She wrote.
   I looked at her. It was going to be hard saying goodbye I thought.

   An announcement for her flight came over the PA system and we walked quietly over to the gate.
   "Well, this is goodbye." She said, not daring to look at me.
   "Yes it is. Goodbye, and I hope you find what you're looking for." I replied. My heart felt empty. Was this really the end? I scarcely believed it. It felt like a dream, a bad dream I will wake from at any moment.

   I watched her enter the gate, producing her passport and boarding pass to the police standing guard. Was this real? I still couldn't believe it. How do you go from best friends, partners, lovers, to total strangers in the blink of an eye. I couldn't, but evidently she could.

   I turned and walked towards the train station. I didn't dare look back, for fear of her seeing the tears running down my face.

   Ever get the feeling that you don't deserve what you've got? That there is someone out there who has put in more effort than you have and probably deserves it more than you? The feeling of apology, and followed by that, a feeling of fear. That you will not live up to people's expectations of you. Because you know, deep down, that someone could have done it better.
    You start to panic, start to doubt yourself. You start to give up, before even starting.
     Then, you take a step back. You take a breath, and thank whoever it is that provided the opportunity to you. And then, you do it. To the best of your ability.
     And you don't regret it. However the outcome turns out. You know, you've done your best. A sudden moment of clarity comes. And you realize, you were chosen for that job. It wasn't a random lottery draw. Yes there might be people better, but you were chosen instead.
      And, you sneak a smile. Because you realized that you should never have doubted yourself in the first place.  

"Did you miss me?" I asked gingerly over the phone.
"Meh..." was her reply. My heart sank a little.
"Well good night then I guess."
"Yeap, goodnight."
"Hang up?"
"No you hang up."
I laughed. She could really be hard to read sometimes I thought. It was intriguing, someone who was able to keep you interested for so long. It was what attracted me to her I guess.
A text came soon after I hung up.
'I miss you too. :)"
She really was hard to read I thought, trying to suppress a smile. I settled in for the night, my heart felt a little warmer.

   "Will you post something for me to read?" She asked with a small smile.
   "You like reading my nonsense?" I replied, slightly confused. I did not think that people would actually read my blog, not to mention even enjoying it.
   "Its not nonsense, and I like reading about your feelings." She answered. Her smile, a little wider now, and her eyes shone a little brighter.
   "Why? They aren't important..." I started, still not sure if she was genuinely interested in what I considered to be just an outlet for my crazy emotions.
   "They are. To me, because I care about your feelings." She leaned a little closer, her perfume hitting me like a tidal wave of euphoria.
   "Well, I might post something then." Her reply was perfect. Somewhat unexpected, but perfect nonetheless. I smiled broadly, and looked her straight in her eyes. Her eyes were partly obscured by her eyelid, her irises were deep and black, but behind them shone an intelligence few people possessed.
   She looked away sheepishly, blushing ever so slightly. My heart skipped a beat, she was radiant that night. She may not be the most beautiful girl in existence, but in my mind, she was beautiful beyond compare.

   "What?" She whispered softly. Still looking away though, I could still see her trying to suppress a smile.
   "You look beautiful today." I replied, truthfully, with no holds-barred. She turned to look at me, no longer suppressing her smile, she smiled widely.
   "Thank you." She replied, as she leaned in for a kiss.

   I now knew what to write for my blog.

   "Goodnight" she stated, her mouth curled in a mild smile.
   "Well, goodnight" I replied with a grin.

   She reached over for a kiss, a deep and passionate one, before stepping out of my car.

   I watched her leave and felt a feeling I haven't felt in a while; a feeling of reluctance. I wanted to sweep her up off her feet and kiss her one more time. My heart yearned for another glimpse of her smile. I didn't want her to leave.

   Instead, I drove off after she entered her house. Her text came promptly soon after, "Drive safely". I looked at the text smiling. It was the little things that counted. Knowing that you are constantly in someone's mind, and that they worry and care for your well-being brought an extreme sense of fulfillment to me. It finally felt like I was appreciated, not just for what I do, but for who I am too.
 
   I couldn't suppress a broad smile as I texted a reply, "Definitely =)" I was happy again I realized. A happiness I thought I had lost forever.