It was a Tuesday when I finally turned the last page of the book "Tuesdays with Morrie".
I cried.
It was a strangely subtle end to an amazing lesson I thought. An acceptance of the ending and just a brief follow up of the aftermath. Strangely boring, yet powerful in its message. There were no massive secrets or complicated procedures, just a simple revelation at the end; Love each other or die.
This message meant a lot to me. There is only love and death. Either you love, or suffer an alternative close to the feeling of death. Love, truth be told, was quite a foreign concept. People say it all the time, but few actually understand it's true meaning and power. Those that do however, are some of the happiest and successful people around. And I envied that happiness.
They say that the first love you feel is from your family, and that is certainly true. I remember the efforts and energies my parents spent to provide a truly unique childhood to me. While in the states, we drive for hours on road trips visiting Disney World, Disney Land, Seaworld, Universal Studios. Visiting a hot air balloon show, Air Shows, and even a massive fireworks show. While in Singapore, constantly visiting museums, science museums, libraries and instilling in me a lifelong passion for knowledge. While in the UK, visiting the Natural History Museum, Victoria and Albert Museum, Legoland, castles and palaces and Libraries some more!
This was amazing.
Yet I grew apart from them. While spending most of my time at my hostel at college, I didn't have time to interact with them much anymore. My brothers and parents became mere friends. Yet, I still loved them. I would take a bullet for them was what I thought. Despite my constant rebeling against my mother, my nagging of my brothers, and arguments with my father. They were still family to me.
I had also truly loved one girl. She was, in the most literal sense, my world. She was always there for me. ALWAYS. With her cheeky smile and bubbly personality, I always felt lifted when I saw her. She was with me through my entire college years, my classmate, my pianist and my best friend. I felt that I knew her better than anyone else and we had a chemistry that everyone could see. She was the first girl with whom I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
But she's gone now.
I tried to find love in another girl since then. This other girl exuded a sense of self confidence that made people naturally want to be close to her. It was amazing. I experienced a kind of happiness that only she could make me feel. A similar and nostalgic one to the one I had lost. I loved her too, and was genuinely delighted to receive a simple text from her. I started finding excuses to hang out with her, if only to be able to see her for a fleeting moment. We did many things together, and for a moment everything seemed a little less nasty.
In the end, I was told by someone else that she hated me, and found an excuse to get rid of me.
I did not know who to believe. It felt like we were being manipulated. That someone whom I called friend too. I was angry, confused, disappointed. I had half a mind to fire back at them, to give them a piece of my mind, and to reveal what I knew. I checked my anger however.
"Detach yourself and accept the situation" Morrie said. So I took a step back, and accepted the situation. "Make peace with the living" I forgave them for all they've hurt me. Everyone has their life and experiences which shape their thoughts. All we can do is learn to love them.
I took off my headphones to the sound of rain splashing on my window. The clouds were dispersing and the sun was beginning to shine through. The sky was suddenly bathed in a blue and yellow glow with rolling white puffs of clouds. "Tomorrow will be better" I told myself. "Tomorrow will be better..."
"As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on—in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.” - Morrie Schwartz
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