I woke up feeling a little under the weather. The room was bathed in a dark green glow with a little ray of light escaping through the small slit in my dark green curtains. A thundering headache shot through my head as I sat up on my bed.
"So this is what it felt like when you actively tried to kill yourself." I thought. It was true. My spirit completely left me the past 2 weeks. I was temperamental, reckless and you can even say, a little "suicidal". In hindsight, the issues that bothered me were probably minor. Yet, at that time, I was devastated.
I was receiving different messages from different people and I did not know who to believe. Apparently I was being "gotten rid" of? Yet, that was not the feeling I got from her. Either way, I felt betrayed and used. I was convinced that I performed the best I could. I thought I was punctual, reliable, humorous. Maybe I was just being creepy and "disgusting".
I lost what remaining confidence I had after that. Nothing I did seemed to be able to absolve myself of this feeling of failure. I started staying up late, drinking a bottle of beer every night and driving recklessly and this was how I found myself sick, with an immense headache.
And I missed her. Immensely.
0 comments:
Post a Comment