I sat upright in my bed, my head throbbing from a night of heavy drinking. The room was dark, excessively so. Only the small red glow of my mosquito repellant illuminated the corner of the room. The rest of the room however, was pitch black. I loved this darkness, it reminded me of the reality of life, that no matter how we try to look on the bright side of things, some places will still be dark and bleak. I checked the time on my phone, the brightness of the screen piercing my eyes, 2.45a.m it read. I should try to sleep, I thought.
I scrolled through my text messages, my eyes squinting against the screen. Various messages of congratulations dominated top of my text messages list, I scrolled past these quickly, there was only messages from one person I was interested in. As I found that message, my finger hovered over the screen. Did I really want to read what was inside I thought. What was it about her that kept reminding me of her for the whole day? Was this what having a crush on someone felt like? Neverending thoughts of her, a feeling of intense attraction, always trying to find a reason to talk to her. It feels terrible I concluded.
I turned off the screen of my phone and set it aside. Screw it, I thought, I knew I would regret not trying to pursue her harder. I knew that all of my rationalizations were in the end, all feeble excuses which would not stand up to scrutiny. Yet, somehow, I couldn't bring myself to ruin the status quo of our friendship now. As I lay down on my bed I thought, "Could I live with this regret?"
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